One More Tan

Dearest Joel,

I remember the day you were born. You had to stay in hospital for a week while I went home without you. It was especially hard driving home with an empty car seat. Every morning, in the car on the way to the hospital, I would be thinking of how to get to you faster. In the evenings, I would hover around the phones at home, waiting for the nurse to call to update me on your billirubin levels. The day we brought you home, you barely weighed 3 kg, and now, you have tripled that.

It was difficult for the first 3 months. I rarely slept for more than 4 hours at a stretch. Early morning tv became my best friend as I nursed you.

You are very loved by so many people. When your grandaunt saw you for the first time in the hospital cot under the blue rays, I could see her wiping her tears away. At every family gathering, you would be the centre of attraction while we would turn “invisible”. Grandma and grandpa can’t get enough of you.

The first time you had a fever, I thought you handled it better than me. Daddy was more tortured by me worrying than you falling sick.

My heart still breaks every morning I drop you at Grandma’s before I go to work. I know it is not possible to spend waking moment with you. You will grow up, make new friends, discover speed (please be careful with automobiles), and might travel to another country to work or live. I always wonder how I would cope.

I loved the past 12 months. Every time you smile at me. When I tell you “No No” to stop chewing the wires, or play with the fan, you would give me a cheeky grin. You have just started to walk. I’m very proud of you!

Happy Birthday Joel. You are one today. I will always love you no matter what.

Love, Mummy